


Something Worth Living For

by CommanderKats



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alien Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Custom Shepard (Mass Effect), Eventual Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, F/M, Heartache, Love Confessions, Mental Health Issues, No Shepard Without Vakarian, Oral Sex, Past Thane Krios/Shepard, References to Depression, Sex, Sexual Content, Shepard (Mass Effect) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Suicide Attempt, True Love, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25265743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderKats/pseuds/CommanderKats
Summary: After saving the galaxy Essie Shepard disappeared from the fame and attention, leaving everyone she ever cared about behind and living in solitude in some town on Earth. That is until Wrex brings an unexpected visitor, the only one who could still save Essie from herself, the one turian that made her feel alive, Garrus.
Relationships: Female Shepard/Garrus Vakarian, Thane Krios/Female Shepard
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36
Collections: Mass Effect Big Bang 2020





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note that this story has mentions of suicide attempts in it.

Nightmares. 

For the last ten years almost every night was ruined by a nightmare. Memories of those she couldn’t save, of the ones she left behind when she disappeared, of the life she never really got to live. Since she joined the Alliance and accidently made a name for herself her life hadn’t been her own. Once she showed promise, once she showed she had that undeniable spark, her life stopped being her own and at the time Essie didn’t think anything of it. Not until she tried to do something for herself and it was shot down. 

The Alliance had a hold over her pretty much since she was sixteen when they saved her from Mindoir. She was grateful for it yet that one thing changed so much of her life, then again so did her entire family being slaughtered and not being able to help. Those were dark days for Essie, days she cared not to remember if she didn’t have to and she worked hard not to. Didn’t matter so much to the Alliance once they saw the asset she made. 

Essie was gifted with biotics though her parents didn’t want to send her away and instead chose to keep her close. Her parents hired those with biotic abilities whenever they passed through Mindoir which gave her a range of experience. Probably her favorite had been the turian mercenary Javo, he didn’t say a lot about his past and Essie never asked, just learned. He was there when the attack happened. Another person she couldn’t save even when she tried. 

Javo had been special to her, before the attack happened and only just by days Essie had made a move that changed their relationship. On the edge of the galaxy was a lonely place for a teenage girl and when some tough turian mercenary flirts just once with you, well Essie was lost to him. The night before the attack they shared it together and then her life turned to hell. Mixed within the nightmares of blood and screaming was a precious one she held tight, a night spent being in someone else’s arms. 

For a long time after that Essie kept her distance from boys, from anything that distracted her from her Alliance career. Slowly the name Essie Shepard made its way through the ranks, catching the attention of Captain Anderson and Admiral Hackett. Somehow those men saved her from herself or at least put a purpose to her never-ending fight. They picked her up from just being some soldier and helped make her more. 

On Akuze Essie survived when no others did, once again. She tried to save everyone, pushing her biotics to a point where they nearly broke her, still she had to try and to her she failed, to others she was a hero. When she returned back to the Citadel after everything on Akuze Essie was put under watch, after everything she had been through in her short life some were certain that she would break underneath it all. That alone made Essie fight harder. She didn’t want them to see some weak woman who by chance survived, she wanted them to see her for who she was, a fighter. 

Captain Anderson asked for her directly and put her on his personal team. It upset some in the Alliance, taking a soldier like Essie off the main line made them uneasy. Already she was starting to become a face, a name. The Alliance needed that if they were going to recruit more people, the last few years had been less than what they expected. Now that the galaxy was open to them people didn’t feel the need to join the Alliance when so many options were out there. 

That’s where she met Kaidan though, the first man since Javo to catch her attention. He too was a biotic, he understood when things got a little haywired. To Essie that seemed like magic, kismet. They were young and foolish, of course the two flirted with each other. For at least a year Essie thought she found the man she was going to end up with, both of them taking it slow and being careful. Their careers were on the line as much as their feelings were, they couldn’t just throw caution to the wind. 

Then Saren turned her life upside down. Fucking Saren was a thought Essie had often about the turian, then again if he hadn’t been doing what he was doing, if he hadn’t shot Nihlus, if he hadn’t exposed Essie to Prothean technology, she would have never become the person she did. She would have never saved the galaxy and made up for all those who she couldn’t save on Mindoir. It was something she tried not to think about but when the nightmares came they had a tendency to remind her. Everything she was, everything she is was because of an indoctrinated turian who wanted to wreak havoc. 

Without Saren she would have never become the first human Spectre, would have never met Tali who became her best friend, nor Liara who seemed to know her better than herself or Wrex who took her in like a little sister, she would never have met Garrus who always meant too many things. She wouldn’t have lost Kaidan. So many more things came from the decisions that Saren had made, the same decisions that helped shape Essie to who she was now, to what she had become. From time to time she wondered what Saren might have thought of everything that had happened, would he be envious that she turned everything he had set in motion around?

Her thoughts often did this, when she thought of one thing they spiralled into everything she either could or couldn’t save in the last fifteen so odd years. Though the thought that seemed to run in her mind more constant than the others was the one where she died. It was often how her nightmares ended, her dying. The helplessness of floating in space, the tightening of her lungs as she took her last few breaths, of the filtering faces before darkness consumed her. In the end she would have been happy with that ending, the hero dying saving everyone she could but fate always has different plans for those who are special or at least that’s what Essie told herself. 

Life after being dead was different. Essie was and wasn’t herself anymore, she was more than before and yet less too. The Illusive Man ensured that her spark was there, that vital spark of Commander Shepard. Essie understood, he wanted the same thing that the Alliance wanted from her. This time though she had to work out her own death and the consequences of it. Everyone from before just seemed to be gone. There was no easy way to make contact with Ash, Tali was back with the quarians, Liara becoming a name for herself and Garrus was just gone. 

A few people remained, ones who knew her like Joker. Years ago when she first met the pilot he had flirted with her before realizing who she was. It was a common mistake unless you knew Essie personally, her persona always seemed bigger than her actual self. Nonetheless it was a good start to their friendship and Essie was happy to see Joker after coming back from death. He helped remind her of good times, he told her stories to piece back together parts of her that seemed missing. 

When Tali and Garrus joined her that was when Essie really started to feel like herself again. Tali had worked hard all those years ago to break the walls that Essie naturally put up, the quarian more determined than most knew. Slowly she had let them down and let her in. It was the same with Garrus and yet it wasn’t. He reminded her a lot of Javo and a part of Essie couldn’t help the lingering thoughts she some time had of him. 

There was always a familiarness with Garrus, both of them comfortable with each other. He understood her and she got him. For a while Essie had thought things would change between them, that their relationship might become something more. Especially after Horizon where she came face to face with Ash, who now hated her. Once Essie and Ashley had been friends, now she looked at her like she was scum and it hurt. She had tried to contact her but every avenue she tried was blocked. 

Garrus had been comforting that evening back on the Normandy. Somehow out of all that knew Essie it was him that came to her, finding her nearly a bottle deep in whiskey. He had taken care of her that night and oddly enough she didn’t cry, not when Garrus was around, he always made her feel safe. A few days later their relationship changed as did the one she had with Tali when she found the two of them in the main battery kissing. A part of Essie wanted to forgive them both yet the other part, the one that seemed to see it as the last straw held onto the anger and pushed them both away. 

Thane. 

A savior in the dark. Essie always thought it funny that an assassin was the one to save her, nonetheless a dying one. He had though. When she thought everything was lost, when she drank from the time a mission was over until she blacked out, when she challenged Grunt to a fist match, it was Thane that saved her. His calm voice soothing her angry heart and for once in her life there was a carefreeness with him. From the moment Essie met Thane she knew she wouldn’t be able to save him, that he would die and she couldn’t do anything about it. 

It was a pure love, something Essie hadn’t experienced since her parents were alive. They had loved her for whoever she was, that was how Thane loved her. He loved her in her anger, in her sweet moments, trying to nurture the lost girl inside her. Essie knew she would forever love Thane even long after he was gone and she did. 

His death wasn’t an easy thing for Essie even though she knew it was coming. When he contacted her after the reapers attacked Earth, when he told her he was truly dying, that was one of the hardest moments that Essie had ever dealt with. It was different than not being able to save your comrades or watching your family die, this was helpless and something that Essie couldn’t even try and fix. She did though, calling in the best doctors and scientists, anyone and everyone she could think of. None of them could help him. 

If Essie had thought her life dark after seeing Garrus and Tali, after Ash’s hate, it was nothing to what it became after Thane died. She had done nothing but push everyone away and it was no different now. It was Wrex and Grunt who could push through her hard walls, reminding her to live though barely. He said he would await for her across the sea and that was all Essie could think about. 

Even though the galaxy fought against the reapers, Essie fought against herself to survive and in the end it was Garrus who came to her side. She never thought of herself as a woman that needed saving yet this was just another time someone saved her before something bad happened. Alone in her apartment that Anderson had given her Essie took too many pills with more alcohol than was recommended and tried to find an endless sleep. Her own darkness without him was becoming too much. 

Just as the world faded black she saw the flash of worried blue eyes, the same eyes that she had spent a thousand hours looking into. The same ones that always seemed to have her back. It was the same blue eyes she saw when she first woke up. At the time Essie hadn’t known that Garrus was there nearly every waking hour he could be but she could almost sense it. His talons held her hands, nervousness was something that didn’t suit Garrus well and it hurt her to see it on him. Three days she was in the hospital. Three days spent nearly solely with Garrus. He told her stories of his childhood on Palaven with his sister, of his mother who seemed beautiful and of his father who was rather stern. 

Eventually she went back to the battle. The reapers didn’t stop because she had tried to kill herself, they didn’t care about her personal demons so for a short time neither did she. Battle was what she became, swift and deadly as she made her way through the battlefield. Until the end. After fighting for so many years what did one do when there was no one else to fight? They run and hide and that’s exactly what Essie had done. She left one day after some briefing with Wrex’s help. He always seemed to understand her in a way others didn’t and she was happy to have the krogan in her life. 


	2. Chapter 2

Earth was the only choice for her. So many places she could hide, so many places no one would find her thinking that she escaped into the galaxy. Instead she stayed hidden under everyone’s noses. Wrex knew where she was, he was the only one allowed to come and go but other than that no one knew where Essie was and for the first time in her life she got to do what she wanted. She learned early on that she wasn’t half bad at painting and found herself painting every wall in her small home in the mountains. Each wall a different scene of her life though she really didn’t need more reminders, her nightmares constant reminders in themselves. 

The painting she loved the most though was hidden away in her bedroom, the one that meant more than the rest of them. It was more like a collage of those who meant something to her, the first being her parents. Originally Essie had wanted to paint their deaths and somewhere in the artwork on her walls she did but not here in her bedroom, this one was when they were happy before everything changed. Alongside them was Thane. How could she not paint him? To her he always looked peaceful in it then again he always was accepting of his fate so unlike herself.

Then there was the one of Garrus. 

Both as the young turian she started to fall in love with, to the hardened one who she stood next to and watched Palaven fall with. There was so much in those paintings, emotions she never got to say, feelings she never got to explore. In truth she should have forgiven Garrus and Tali all those years ago yet the cut felt too deep, too raw. Every time she tried to think past it, tried to move forward something in her wouldn’t let her. Probably because she was heading to tell Garrus how she felt and the kiss was a betrayal from both her best friend and the turian she had loved for far too long. 

Essie also looked at it as payback for how she was with Kaidan, before she really understood her feelings for Garrus. She knew it must have hurt him to see Kaidan and her together but they had been a team for a while by then. Kaidan was there, he was something familiar and Garrus was...something new, something Essie wasn’t sure about. If she could go back in time that whole situation would just be another thing she changed. 

She always seemed to lose herself in painting, her mind and body focused on the brush and whatever came from it. That’s how she was when Wrex showed up though it wasn’t the first time he found her covered in paint with a daydreamy look. 

“Getting lost again kid?” Wrex’s voice broke through her revery, the gruffness slightly startling her. 

Essie turned to see the krogan standing in the foot of her hallway, today that was where the painting had started, “Something like that.” She smiled at him and straightened from the crouch she was in. “What do I owe the pleasure?” She asked, putting the brush down on the paint can. 

Wrex looked uneasy for a moment, “I got the supplies you wanted, figured bring them now instead of in a month.” 

It was a part of their arrangement, he could know where she was if he brought her things she couldn’t get at the local stores. For the most part the small mountain town she lived in didn’t know she was the Commander Shepard, they just figured she was some Alliance figure who wanted to retire and that wasn’t too far from the truth.

“Perfect, you can just put it in the kitchen. I’m going to clean up this paint then we can have lunch.” She smiled again at him trying to ease his discomfort. Wrex just nodded and turned away leaving Essie to watch as he walked away, something was going on with the krogan. 

A few minutes later Essie stepped out of her bedroom and could hear Wrex’s voice, she walked softly down the hallway trying to listen. Panic raced through her at the thought of someone else with him, he knew better than to bring anyone else here. It was something they had talked about on many occasions. Essie knew that many of the old crew wondered where she was at, hell the galaxy wondered what happened to her. She wasn’t ready yet to tell anyone. Stepping around the corner of the hall and looking towards the kitchen she didn’t see anyone talking to Wrex as he stood taking things out of a bag. 

“Essie.” Her name sounded like heaven coming from fucking Garrus Vakarian, who stood in her doorway with bags in each hand. 

She froze, her heart thundering against her chest as her world centered in on the one thing she never thought she’d see again. Sure she was the one that ran away, she was the one that put the distance and the walls up yet he was the only one who could reach her. “Garrus.” She breathed.

He stepped forward and she stepped back, a frown furrowing on that handsome face. Ten years had stood Garrus in good stead, only deepening all those things others would consider flaws. There were a couple small new scars along his neck, one above his right eye and Essie fought control of herself to not reach out and touch them. A thousand times he appeared in her dreams, a thousand times he had done what they both should have done all those years ago. 

Wrex stepped out from the kitchen, “See you saw your guest.” He said towards Essie.

She shot a look at him before turning back to Garrus, still in awe that he was standing in her small home, “I thought we talked about this Wrex.” Essie said sternly. 

“Figured ten years was enough time.” He chuckled as he walked over and grabbed the bags from Garrus, “She’s got liquor in the cabinet over there, might want to pour you both a drink before talking.” Wrex said before walking back towards the kitchen, “I’ll start lunch.” He said casually. 

Garrus looked over to her bar and took the few strides to reach it. Essie couldn’t help the way her body responded to him being this close. For ten years Essie had kept herself celibate even though offers were there, from townies and the one time Wrex got drunk and made a move. They both laughed that one off and thought nothing more of it but what she was feeling right now just looking at Garrus wasn’t going to be something she could laugh off. Nothing between Garrus and her was ever casual. 

He poured himself something, finding the special alcohol for turians. Years ago Wrex had laughed at her for buying it even teasing her about it though now she was glad she had. Secretly she had done it for Garrus. 

“What can I pour for you?” He asked, his mandibles clicking as he watched her. 

Essie felt her cheeks warm, “Vodka please.” His talons reached towards the gin, “Not that one,” She pointed from where she stood, “Has a goose and some mountains on it.” He moved his talons towards the correct one and she smiled, nodding. 

After pouring her drink he turned towards her holding both his own and her drink, Essie tried to steady herself as Garrus moved closer to her. There was an awkwardness in the turian that she often remembered, it always seemed around her that it came out. He stretched her drink out and she took it, “Thank you.” She said quietly before nearly downing the whole thing. 

Garrus laughed, something that made the butterflies in her belly turn into doves bursting into flight, “Must have been thirsty.” He said, taking a drink of his own. “And your welcome.” 

“Why are you here Garrus?” Essie asked, the vodka helping to steel her nerves. He looked taken back and she was certain that the question caught him off guard. “Garrus?”

He finished his drink and looked towards the kitchen, “I’ve been helping Wrex get some of your supplies for years now and I always wondered what he was doing with it. So I followed him.” He turned back towards her, those blue turian eyes bright as he watched her. “I thought you had died.”

Essie had known being around Garrus would break her anew, break her open and maybe free her from herself. Ten years she had been away, ten years she had kept herself closed off from absolutely everything. Maybe it was time for her to let someone in and if there was anyone she would it’d be Garrus. Though it was those last words that hit her the hardest, of course he thought she was dead, it was what she somewhat wanted, she just didn’t think of the repercussions. 

“I searched for you, years Essie.” His talons tightened around the glass in his hand, “Everyone thought I was a fool to run after you.”

“Why?” Essie asked before she could stop herself.

Garrus snapped his attention to her, feeling the whole heat of a turian gaze on her she shivered, “I didn’t try after the last time you died, I wasn’t about to lose you again.”

“You didn’t have me Garrus.” She said even though the words physically hurt. 

He huffed, mandibles clicking, “Keep telling yourself that.” 

For some reason those words ignited something in Essie, a small flame of who she once was and before she realized it she was standing near chest to chest with Garrus. Glass shattered on the floor as her fists clenched, “You could have had me Vakarian, could being the main word there but you had to go kiss Tali.” 

“And we both regretted it immediately.” He said quickly, anger lacing that hypnotic voice. How many times had it narrated her nightmares?

“Sure.” Essie fired back, “Why didn’t either of you come say anything?”

“You weren’t exactly approachable Essie,” He took a deep breath and watched her, his gaze still holding all the intensity just with something else there, “You took me off of missions with you.”

It was almost as if the world went silent and it was just Garrus and her. She had done that, replacing him with Thane and that was where their relationship started to bloom. That was also when Garrus and hers faded. Now he was here though and Thane was gone, long enough that he had stopped coming to her in her dreams. He was truly gone. And Garrus was here. Her thoughts continued to circle themselves.

“Get out.” Her voice scarce a whisper but she knew he had heard, his body hardening. “Now please.” She said simply before using every ounce of energy she had to turn and walk away from Garrus. Her footsteps were quiet as she made her way towards her room but her heart stormed inside her, emotions raging as she tried to control herself. The all too familiar static of her biotics pulsed threw her and she knew she needed to be careful. Last time she lost control she was out of power for a week. 

She paced the small confines of her room as she listened to their mumbled voices down the hall. The words had left her mouth before she even had a chance to think of what she was doing and yet it felt right. Garrus wasn’t something she could handle right now or at least the closeness they were. A soft knock on her door made Essie stop and look towards it, her heart hoping it was Garrus.

“Food’s on the counter for you.” Wrex spoke, “I should have listened to you, I’m sorry kid.” 

Essie stepped towards the door and opened it, looking up at her hardened krogan. It wasn’t a known thing about the soft side of them. “I’m not mad at you Wrex.” She gave him a small smile, “It’s just,” She paused.

“Garrus.” Wrex finished her thought and she nodded, “I’ll talk with him kid, try and make him understand.” 

“Thank you Wrex, you take good care of me.” Her hand touched his and squeezed it.

He chuckled looking down at their hands, “Someone has to.” He squeezed back then let go, “We’ll be back tomorrow.” 

“Good-bye Wrex.” Essie smiled again at him as he turned and walked down the hallway. 

The front door opened and Essie could hear them speaking again, almost feeling Garrus’ gaze on her through her walls. He knew where she was now, she wasn’t hidden anymore to him. Distance wouldn’t matter now and truthfully she hoped he would come, that he was being honest when he said he looked for her. For ten years she had been lost, she was ready to be found. 


	3. Chapter 3

Nearly a bottle deep into her vodka Shepard found herself standing outside on her front porch, the warm breeze feeling good against her skin as she thought of Garrus. Whatever walls she had put up to not really think of him suddenly seemed gone. She had always wondered if she overreacted the whole thing with Tali, it was just that at the time it hurt. Then everything with Thane happened and before she had a chance Garrus was out of her grasp. Now he wasn’t. 

It made her heart race and the butterflies in her stomach start to flutter, once upon a time he had been everything she wanted. After Kaidan had died Garrus was the one who continued to hold her together, well him and Wrex. It was Garrus that sat with her late into the night when her nightmares kept her up though. Why the hell hadn’t she acted sooner? Why didn’t she just admit she loved him when she sought out Archangel?

Another swig of vodka down her throat, it stopped burning long ago. Moonlight lit the lake that her small home was near. She had picked this place because it reminded her of home on Mindoir. They had lived in a small simple house near what was a lake on Mindoir, her parents used to dance along the edge when it was a night like this. Shepard had always aspired to find a love like theirs. 

Bringing the bottle to her lips again, finishing the last bit and feeling every bit of it. A part of her wanted to break the bottle, to scream into the night. The other part wanted to cry. She needed to be careful either way, too much of her emotions always made her biotics go haywire and right now she could use the release. It had been far too long since Shepard had let herself go, in any way, her control too iron tight. 

The hum of a shuttle caught Shepard’s attention and she turned towards her driveway, the lights of the shuttle brightening that side of her house. It was rare for Wrex to come back after he was gone for the night, on those times when he did leave. That left only once choice since most of the people from town always left her alone. She watched as the shuttle lifted and took off, her heart pounding against her chest as she watched the corner of her home, waiting. 

Garrus stepped around the corner looking down as if he was talking to himself, his arms animated and Shepard was certain he was. It seemed like a Garrus thing to do. Shepard stayed standing there watching him as he came closer to the porch. 

“You lost?” She teased, the vodka making her body warm and loose. 

Garrus snapped his attention up, coming to a stop as he looked at her, “Shepard.” He breathed and she couldn’t help but smile. She had always enjoyed nervous, goofy Garrus.

“What are you doing here Garrus?” Her words slurred and she couldn’t help the smile that appeared on her lips. 

He stood at the bottom of her stairs, moonlight highlighting those enticing turian features, “I don’t want to stay away anymore.” The words were so honest they hurt. 

Essie stood still for a moment, her emotions raging from not only the alcohol but with Garrus just being here. She had always known that the turian occupied too much of her heart, of her. “Then don’t.” She whispered. 

Garrus just stood there, his eyes focused on her and she felt like prey to the predator. Then he moved, quick, standing in front of her not a second later, one arm around her back and the other tangling her hair as he brought her lips to his. Essie wrapped her arms around his neck, savoring every lash of his tongue against hers. It was not a gentle kiss, too much time had passed between them for a gentle kiss. They had both wanted this for far too long. 

Her nails dug into skin and Essie felt Garrus shudder all over, his hand loosening from her hair and finding its place on her hip, matching his other hand. Tightening his talons Garrus picked her up, a delightful squeal leaving her lips as he placed her on the railing. Pushing her legs apart and settling himself between them as he resumed the kiss. His tongue and body taking control of her. 

A moan escaped her before she could stop herself, liquid fire seemed to course through her as her body melted against him. Her legs hitched on his pointed hips, Garrus moved himself even closer against her. Essie knew he could probably feel the heat from her, the wetness that seemed to soak through her panties and jeans, she was certain he knew. His mouth left hers as he kissed along her jaw towards her ear then down her neck, nipping at the sensitive flesh that sent shivers through her. Her hips bucked against him and she felt the swell of his manhood. 

Garrus growled, deep and dangerous, “Keep doing that and I might bite you.” His voice hoarse with desire, his talons rough on her hips. 

“Then bite me.” Essie moaned as she bucked her hips again, the swell in his pants even larger. It was the first time she noticed him out of armor, a small smile playing on her lips as she thought about it. 

Garrus’ tongue swirled on the sensitive part of her neck making her nearly dizzy with desire, Essie wasn’t for sure but she thought she heard him chuckle before he devilishly bit her. Sharp teeth pierced into her and Essie couldn’t help herself, her entire body flushed with need as she pulled at Garrus, moaning loudly into the night. 

“You taste so good.” Garrus groaned, his tongue swirling over the bite mark he had just made. “Bet you taste even better somewhere else.” A talon left her hip and moved over her thigh, slow and delicate as he made his way towards his heat. 

“Garrus.” Her voice thick like honey as Essie spread her legs wider, the knuckle of a talon rubbing along her heat.

“Tell me to leave Essie,” He whispered viciously, “Tell me to walk away.” 

Somehow those words broke through her lust, her mind clearing from the haze of desire as she pulled back a little and looked at Garrus. His blue eyes burning bright, blood tinged his turian lips and Essie heart swelled. 

Her hands grabbed his face and moved it to hers, holding it in front of hers so that she looked him eye to eye, “I want you to stay.” There was anger lurking in those blue eyes, she had seen it before but it was different now that it was directed at her. 

Anger seemed to win out in him and he stepped back, her hands dropping from his glorious face and she watched him. “I can’t just be some late night fling you regret in the morning.” His hand rubbed his neck, “I’m sorry.” 

Essie didn’t know what to say as Garrus turned and walked away. How do you explain to someone that you love them, more than life itself and yet abandoned them? How do you tell them that you regret that choice, that you should have told them you were alive but just wanted peace?


	4. Chapter 4

When she was young Essie was called a rare beauty, hair a deep plum with just the right amount of curl and dark green eyes like the forest at night. Now what looked back was faded compared to what she once was, her hair still had that unnatural plum color but where it was once vibrant now it wasn’t. Her eyes that used to hold mystery and intrigue now seemed bland and tired as they looked back at her in the mirror. Sure a part of her could be the hangover she was currently experiencing though it was likely just time and age. 

In her short years she had lived more than most and if the world had their choice she would still be living that life, the same one that wore away the girl she could have been and made the Commander instead. Without thinking Essie punched the mirror and watched as it shattered around her, blood dripping onto the sink from the tiny cuts she got. Her mind went to places she hated it go, her thoughts turning dark as the urge to end it all thrummed through her. 

It was a constant battle to keep herself alive, to point out all the good things worth living for and not how easy it would be to leave it all behind. Although it wasn’t really easy anymore for Essie to think like that, the thoughts came nonetheless but actually wanting to die didn’t seem as strong as it once was. She remembered her death all those years ago, clear as the world she saw now and she remembered very clearly trying to take it after Thane died and the many times no one knew about. He would have been disappointed in her, in that choice although he would never have voiced it. 

Essie grabbed the towel from the hook and used it to start sweeping the broken pieces of the mirror up. Her blood was bright against the yellow towel. Carefully she lifted the towel and emptied it into the small trash can before walking to the kitchen and getting the broom. It took her moment before realizing Wrex and Garrus were outside having a heated conversation. A part of her wanted to listen, to see if Garrus told Wrex about last night or not then again she knew better to listen without permission. Plus there was still glass to be swept up.

Broom in hand she made her way back to the bathroom and began sweeping, finding the tiny pieces that probably would have killed her later on. The thought made her laugh, the infamous Commander Shepard taken out by a sliver of glass. Essie was glad her bathroom was small and the mirror hadn’t been that big either, most of the glass had broken into bigger pieces. Tying the bag after emptying what she hoped was the last bit of glass into the garbage, she stood in front of where the mirror was and stared at the emptiness. 

“Essie!” Wrex hollered as he came inside and she snapped herself out of her thoughts, “If you're still sleeping,” He started.

“I’m not!” She yelled back. The last time she had been asleep when he showed up he poured water on her but the amount was for a krogan and not a human. Her bed was soaked for a week, she eventually just got a new one. Essie made her way towards the kitchen hearing Wrex mumbling in there. Krogans weren’t exactly quiet when they did anything including mumble. She could nearly make out every word and he wasn’t too happy with Garrus. “Hey Wrex.” 

The krogan turned around and just as quickly turned back around, “I thought you said you weren’t sleeping.” 

“I wasn’t.” Essie replied.

“Your clothes say otherwise.” Wrex waved his arm at her and Essie looked down.

Technically she was still in her pajamas and what she was wearing could hardly be considered pajamas. Boyshorts panties with a cut off shirt, it was hot the night before. “Oops sorry.” She laughed as she started towards her room.

The front door opened and Essie froze standing half-naked in her hallway as Garrus looked at her. It might have been 10 years since Essie was in her prime but that hadn’t meant she slacked over the years and her body flushed as Garrus moved his gaze from head to toe then back, lingering on her toned abs. Her heart pounded and heat burned between her thighs as she heard his mandibles click, his gaze hungry and hot. 

He closed the door behind him and stepped forward. Again she felt like prey to his predator and she’d be a liar if she said she hated it. Opposite in fact. Everything in her wanted to run, to see if he would chase her. With each step he came closer the more she wanted him to get her, her skin felt tight as he stood scarce a foot away. She could feel his body heat, could feel the energy coming off him and she wanted to melt against him. 

His knuckles touched her stomach, muscles quivering under his touch as he slid it down to the hem of her boyshorts. Essie watched as he opened his mouth and waited eagerly for whatever words he spoke, instead his devilish tongue darted out then hid away again. Either the damn turian knew what the hell he was doing or he had no idea how fucking hot he was being, there was a chance it was both when it came to Garrus. 

“Go get dressed Essie.” Wrex’s voice spoke from behind Garrus and both of them looked at the krogan, “Now.” 

Very rarely did Wrex get away with that commanding voice, this was one of those times and even though she wanted to stay and explore where that was going with Garrus she knew better. Wrex had been the best thing in her life the last ten years, she wasn’t ready to push him away just for Garrus although it was close. Talons touched her hand as she turned to go and she stopped a step away, there was that anger in Garrus again. So similar to the anger he had for Sidonis. 

“I have to.” She spoke softly, “I’m sorry.” She brought her arm close to herself and walked back to her bedroom. 

The moment the door shut the yelling began. As quickly as she could she got dressed, grabbing damn near anything around her that looked somewhat clean. Buttoning her jeans and grabbing the first shirt that was full length she could find she made her way back out to the living room. Wrex and Garrus stood near chest to chest, she had never seen the two of them get so heated with one another. 

“What the hell is going on here?” She yelled coming into the kitchen and standing next to the two of them, hands on her hips as she looked back and forth at them.

“Nothing.” They both growled.

Essie shook her head for a moment, “I’m sorry let me repeat myself.” Gathering all of her Commander-self she could muster. She replanted her feet on the ground, hands more firmly on her hips and said, “What the hell is going on here!” Both of them looked down at her, Wrex laughing as Garrus seemed taken aback, “What suddenly the two of you can’t talk, seemed fine a moment ago.” 

Wrex, still laughing, spoke first, “I told Garrus I thought he should leave, the supplies were delivered, didn’t need his help anymore.”

“And I said I wasn’t leaving just yet.” Garrus snapped at Wrex, who didn’t seem fazed at all by any of it. 

“If she had wanted you here Vakarian then she would have told you where she was.” Wrex casually said.

“That’s enough!” Essie stopped them both, “Wrex you don’t get a say in whether or not I want Garrus here, that’s up to me.” The krogan turned towards her, “I love you I do but whatever is between Garrus and I does have to get sorted.”

Wrex huffed, “You know what kid go ahead and do it, see what you and the turian might have.” His words were venomous just like the looks he shot us, “Ten years Essie I’ve been helping you because ten years ago you came to me. Not Garrus, not Liara, not Kasumi. To me and I helped.” Wrex looked back at Garrus, “Do you truly think you can keep her alive turian?”

“Wrex, please.” Essie pleaded. 

The krogan just shook his head, “Remember after Thane died and you saved her from herself Garrus, ever wonder how many times she tried before or after?”

“Wrex I’m begging you please stop.” Essie cried, tears building in her eyes as she tried to blink them away.

Wrex watched her, twelve times Wrex had watched her after one of her moments. Not all of them had been suicidal or at least not intentionally, sometimes she made bad choices that led her into doing something reckless. A couple of those times her biotics had seemed to explode and nearly destroyed the world around her. And a few of those she had tried to kill herself, plain and simple. 

Her favorite krogan stepped towards her, placing his large hands on her head and kissing her brow, “Good-bye Commander.” 

Essie tried to hold his hands to her, “Stay please, Wrex...please.” She begged as she stepped away from her and moved towards the door. “Please!” She cried, those tears she tried to hold back streamed down her cheeks. Wrex stood at the door and for a moment she thought he would stay but then he just stepped out the door, pulling it close behind him. “Wrex.” Her voice broke as she crumbled to the floor. 


	5. Chapter 5

The smell of lavender woke Essie from whatever sleep she had been in. Opening her eyes she found herself in her bed, her body and head hurt painfully bad. She looked at the table next to her bed and found fresh cut lavender in a cup, sitting up she saw more placed around her room. 

Her bedroom door opened and Thane walked in carrying another cup full of lavender in it and headed towards the window, placing it down in front of it. He hadn’t noticed she was awake yet and Essie took the time to look at him, it wasn’t often that her drell would let her. More modest than most assassins and yet she savored those private moments with him. The ones where he’d lay naked with her, where she could run her fingers over his skin and get delirious from him. 

“Good morning.” She purred. 

Thane looked at her, his eyes softening as he took her in, “Good morning siha.” He came around the side of the bed and sat along the edge, his hand finding hers, “Did you sleep well?” He leaned in and kissed her cheek.

Essie blushed, Thane was always the gentleman, “I don’t think so, I hurt all over.”

A smile hovered on those delicious lips, “I would think so.” 

“What do you mean?” Essie asked confused.

Thane’s thumb stroked her skin, mesmerizing in the feel, “You might have actually done it this time Essie.”

“Done what Thane?” Her heart began to race. 

“Killed yourself.” He replied simply.

Essie sat there. Now it made sense, why everything hurt so bad and why Thane was here. She had finally done it. Of course she did, now that she didn’t really want to die was when she would succeed. The tears fell and Essie didn’t care, for a moment she had thought this was her life and Thane was alive. She always had known he would make a great husband and probably would fill the room full of lavender.

“What’s with all the lavender?” She asked, wiping the tears away and looking around.

Thane smiled at her, so full of love, “There your favorite, I wanted the first thing you woke up to to be something you love.” 

“You could have just stayed in bed.” Essie teased and Thane blushed or at least as close as a drell can. “I miss you.” She said, grabbing his hand and pulling him as she fell back onto the pillows.

Thane stretched out on his side and pulled Essie close to him, brushing the hair from her face, “And I have missed you siha.”

“Do you hate me?” Her voice was sad as she put a hand on his cheek and the other over his heart, a steady beat that didn’t exist anymore.

“I could never hate you.” His fingers idly dancing up her spine, his nose brushed against her own before his lips found hers.

A thousand times she had kissed those lips, a thousand times her world had exploded in sensation from the toxic deliciousness of him. This time was different though. What once sparked the wildfire in her now soothed the darkness that lived in her. 

His hand cupped her cheek, “I have wanted to do this for so long.” He smiled as he leaned in and kissed her again. 

Essie twined her arms around Thane’s neck as he deepened the kiss, throwing her leg over his and pulling herself closer to him, making Thane groan. He shifted his body over hers, moving Essie under him before nestling his thighs between her legs. Her hips moved against him and she could feel the swell of his manhood. He groaned again which just made Essie move her hips again to hear him. 

His hand grabbed her hip as he broke the kiss and looked down at her. Essie world was already starting to get fuzzy, his toxicness making everything bright and heightened. She had forgotten how intoxicating it was, how spellbinding kissing Thane was. How could she have forgotten all of this?

“Thane.” She moaned as his kiss moved from her lips to her jaw, her neck, her chest, a trail of kisses down her stomach before stopping just before her panties. She wiggled against him, “Please.” 

His big eyes filled with love and lust, “Patience siha, I want to remember this for eternity.” Sadness tinged his words. His words settled her some though not nearly enough, her body and mind still wanted Thane, needed him. Slowly he peeled off her panties and lay stretched out between her legs, his hands pushing her thighs further apart and taking in the sight of her most private part. “Absolutely beautiful.” 

Heat warmed her cheeks as Thane leaned his head forward, hot breath blew on delicate skin before his tongue ran up her heat. Essie tensed, it had been a very long time since she had been with anyone. His tongue ran up her heat again only a little deeper and Essie shivered feeling the building ecstasy. The tip of his tongue swirled around her bud before taking it into his mouth and sucking. The ecstasy rose, her body feeling too hot as he let go of her bud and moved his tongue down her heat. 

Thane flicked his tongue once before delving deep into her heat. Ecstasy exploded through her body, blinding and white hot. Essie screamed, grabbing at the sheets as Thane spread her legs wider, his tongue going deeper as she came one after another. Her world was Thane, her only focus was what his tongue was doing. She needed more than just this, she needed him inside her, needed to feel him once more as they come together. 

“I need you Thane.” She grabbed at his shoulders, “Please I need you inside me.” 

He raised his head up and crawled the length of her, “I can’t siha.” His eyes lost all the lust and now only sadness reflected back. 

“Why?” She asked, clearly feeling his hard manhood against her thigh. 

“You’ll stay.” His words broke her heart. 

Essie clutched at him, “So? Isn’t that what you want?” 

Thane smiled weakly at her, “Is it what you want?” He tucked a strand of hair again, “Am I who you want for eternity?” 

_ Garrus. _

It was the name written on her heart. It had been since the day she met him. She had just been too stupid and foolish to ever claim what really was hers. Garrus had been right when he had said he had her, she was just blind. 

“I know you love me Essie.” Thane said her name and she focused back on him, “But I was never the one waiting for you.”

Tears swelled in her eyes, more reflected in Thane’s, “Do you hate me?” She asked again and he shook his head.

“Never in a thousand lifetimes could I hate you Essie Shepard, you showed me how to live when I didn’t want to.” He kissed her once more, “Now let me do the same for you.” Essie looked at him but all he did was smile.


	6. Chapter 6

It was a steady beep that seemed to register first making Essie open her eyes and look towards the noise. A machine stood near her bed, bright colors seemed to blur together but she made out that it was something from a hospital. Thane had said she had died. Essie tried to think back to what happened but all she remembered was Wrex leaving and then Thane. She tried to sit up quickly which sent everything spinning and she found herself laying back down. 

She knew Thane wasn’t here. There was a finality in his words, in his acts of love. He spoke honest if she had stayed with him, if she had bedded him that would have been it. Thane and her for eternity because death would have claimed her. Tears seemed to fall again and Essie knew she was tired of them. She would have given Thane eternity had he asked. 

Her hospital room door opened and Essie lifted her head a little to see Garrus standing there, a teddy bear in one hand and a balloon in the other. She couldn’t help the chuckle that started, it was quite a site to see Garrus as such. That was also when Essie noticed the piles of gifts and flowers around the room. Her vision finally focused. Flowers covered almost all the surfaces, stuffed animals hid amongst them or sprawled on the only chair in the room. Balloons darted around the ceiling and Essie couldn’t help when her chuckle spread into laughter. 

Garrus’ mandibles clicked as he set down the latest gifts before coming to the side of her bed, “I’m glad you're okay Essie.” 

Essie reached up and grabbed his talon, “So am I Garrus.”

Two days later the hospital released Essie into the care of Garrus, who had been listening to the doctors very thoroughly about her care. It had been a suicide attempt and a pretty close one, it was the doctors who had brought her back. Although to Essie it was Thane, that had felt too real to not be. 

Once back at her home Garrus was attentive and yet standoffish as if he didn’t know what to do with himself most of the time. It was during one of these times that Essie found out what happened. He found he was fairly handy and started to fix all the little things in her house, most days she just watched him but today she was curious.

“Garrus,” She called from the couch, putting the bookmark in its spot before closing the book, “Can I ask you about that day?” 

By the way he froze she knew he understood. He put the toolbox down and came to the back of the couch near her, “Are you sure?” He asked and Essie nodded. “You collapsed after Wrex left but when you came back to you weren’t you.” He shifted his feet, “There was nothing inside, I tried to talk to you but nothing. You just stared blankly back. About a day after that you tried to kill yourself with your biotics.”

He leaned on the back of the couch, “I’m sorry Garrus, I didn’t mean to put you through that.” She said putting her hand on his. 

“I know, sometimes it's just too much.” He squeezed her hand, “I should get back to the sink.” He started but Essie held onto his hand.

Garrus looked back at her, “Stay.” Essie said, raising to her knees and kissing Garrus’ palm, “Please.” 

“Essie,” He hissed her name, “You don’t have to.”

She smiled as she stood up on the couch, almost eye level with him, “I know, I want to Garrus, I have for a very long time.” She placed her hands on his mandibles and pulled him closer, “I have loved you for a very long time Garrus Vakarian and I regret every day not telling you.” 

Essie didn’t give him a chance to say anything or even really take in what she said before she kissed him. There was no alcohol between them, no other person, nothing but Essie and Garrus. The world seemed to come alive as she kissed him, his arms wrapping around her waist as she deepened the kiss. She wanted to show Garrus how much he meant to her, how much she wanted, needed him. As if sensing her he tightened his hold before lifting her from the couch, her legs naturally going around his waist as if they were made to go there. They stood still for a moment, Garrus just holding her as Essie looked into those blue eyes. Nothing but love looked back. 

“I love you Garrus, I’m sorry it took so long for me to say it.” Essie caressed his brow where the new scar was, “You're going to have to tell me about this?” 

Garrus laughed, “I’ll tell you anything just to hear you say you love me again.” 

“Anything?” Essie joked, wiggling herself against him. She shouldn’t have been surprised to find the swell in his pants, he caused similar reactions to her. His mandibles clicked and he opened his mouth to say something. Essie smiled mischievously at him, “You said you’d say anything but you didn’t say anything about showing me.”

His blue eyes brightened, “Well then let me show you.” 

She squealed as he started to walk down the hall, his hands tightening on her ass as they made their way to her room. It was already slightly ajar and Garrus kicked it, harder than he expected and it slammed into the wall behind it. Essie laughed again this time free of whatever darkness that once lurked in her, there was something bright about being with Garrus right now. Something right. 

They fell onto the bed, more on accident than purpose but Garrus used it to his advantage and got Essie underneath him. He brushed the hair from her face and gazed down at her. She placed one hand on his mandible, the other on his chest as she laid under him. Both of them silent as they just laid there, that undeniable bond between them seemed to almost flare to life. Essie breath caught, Garrus’ heart drummed against her hand, faster than a moment ago and she met those blue eyes again. 

“I watched you try and save everyone, I watched you take the galaxy under your protection and prepare yourself to fight anything.” A single talon caressed her cheek, “I watched as you choose Ash, I watched as you fell apart and I watched as you put yourself back together.” He traced the line of her jaw, “I watched you be Commander Shepard to the galaxy and I watched you when no one else did.”

“How many times did I fall asleep down there?” She asked, wondering if he knew.

“216 times.” His mandibles clicked as he looked down at her, “216 times I watched you when no one else did. In those little moments is when I truly started to love you, when you were not just Commander Shepard but Essie Shepard.” He ran a strand of her plum hair over his talon and Essie watched him, she had never seen this side of Garrus, “I was coming to tell you how I felt when you saw Tali kiss me.” 

Essie licked her lips, “What do you mean?” 

“Tali caught me leaving, said she wanted to talk with me. I had known her for years and I didn’t think anything of it.” Garrus looked away, “I never had feelings for her, never felt the same way she did. I honestly didn’t know and she seemed to be the only person who didn’t know how I felt about you.” 

“Others knew how you felt about me?” Essie asked, surprised at the revelations. 

Garrus looked back at her, “Joker did though that was the result of a drunken night after we thought you had died.”

Essie chuckled, “Who else?”

“Liara. I think she knew before I did.” He laughed, “And Kaidan.”

“What?” Essie’s hand clenched on his chest. 

Garrus cupped her cheek, a talon brushing tenderly, “He came to me a few weeks before the mission on Virmire. Said he felt like he was losing you but it wasn’t a fight he could win.” 

Tears blinded her, “I didn’t even know how I felt about you Garrus.” A tear fell, “I didn’t know until I died and you were my last thought.”

His body tightened around her, shielding her from the world or so it seemed, “Shh, Essie were here now, together, after everything.” 

Essie looked up at him, “How can you love me Garrus when all I did was push you away?” 

He leaned closer, his lips hovering near hers, “You let me close where it mattered.” He said before closing the short distance between them. Her arms wrapped around his neck and pulled him closer, his body shifting between her legs as she hitched them onto his knees. His hips ground into her and she could feel the swell of his manhood. This wouldn’t be like the night on the porch, Essie wanted every bit of Garrus, needed every inch of him. 

Essie slid her fingers under his shirt, running them up his sculpted body before raking them down his back as she sucked on his tongue. Garrus growled, deep and predatory, making Essie buck her hips against him. He stopped the kiss and nipped her upper breast, his devilish tongue swirling the mark he inflicted. 

“Bite me again.” Her fingers clenched hard at his skin, her body flushing with desire. 

“When it's time.” He said before taking claim of her lips again. His body pressed against hers, “There’s too much clothing between us.” His voice was rough as he reached between us. With ease Garrus ripped Essie’s panties from her before nearly doing the same to himself. He pressed back down against her, his large manhood rubbing up against her heat making her moan into his mouth. “I want to taste you.” Garrus spoke before moving his kisses down her body.

His shoulders spread her legs open for him and for a second Essie got a flash of her moment with Thane, a smile came to her lips as she silently thanked him. All Garrus did was growl before his tongue licked the length of her heat, quick and hot. Essie was caught off guard, her body tightening as he did it again, slower and more deliberate. She melted into him, her legs thrown carelessly over his shoulders as his tongue licked a devilish path around her bud and up and down her heat. Essie tried to stifle the moans that came fast but the act just made her body hotter and her ecstasy grow. Garrus’ tongue savaged and claimed her, making her scream as the first waves of ecstasy ripped through her. He lapped at Essie as she came back down, her body flushed with liquid hot pleasure. 

Essie tugged at him and Garrus stalked up her body, his manhood settling against her swollen heat. He stroked her cheek before reaching between them, the head of his manhood rubbing along her heat. “Garrus.” She moaned his name as he pushed into her. 

Her body hot and willing as she took every delicious inch of him, Garrus held still as she adjusted to him before he began to move his hips. His hips moved slowly, barely pulling back before grinding himself into her. Essie held onto him harder, the waves of ecstasy rising in her as Garrus made love to her. Slow and steady thrusts brought her ecstasy higher and higher. Garrus kissed her breast where he bit her earlier, making his way towards her neck with each thrust. His teeth grazed the delicate skin and Essie moaned. 

“You feel so good.” Garrus spoke into her ear, his hips picking up pace, making her squirm under him. “I love how right you feel.” 

“Garrus,” Essie cried, her hands gripping onto him, “Garrus, I love you.” 

He growled, his hips thrusting faster and harder, “Tell me again Essie, say it for me.” His words are harsh against her skin as he grazed her with his teeth again.

“I love you Garrus.” Essie’s body tightened as the waves of ecstasy grew.

Garrus slammed into her, his hip bones near bruising her own, “Essie,” Her name caught on his lips as he fucked into her. “I love you.” He whispered viciously against her skin before his teeth sunk deep. Essie’s world exploding into blinding pleasure, hot and blissful as Garrus lost himself in her. His thrusts coming quicker and more erratic, it wasn’t just her pleasure he was going for. She held tight to him, ecstasy already rising again as she felt the swell of his manhood deep inside, “Essie.” He groaned letting go of her sensitive skin. Liquid heat burst within her, delicious and devilish as Essie greedily took him all. Her own ecstasy matched his as the world centered on them. She screamed his name as Garrus yelled out his own ecstasy.


	7. Chapter 7

It was Essie that woke up first, her body intertwined with her long legged turian. She turned her head and looked at him, peaceful in his sleep. They had spent the last few hours making up for lost time and Essie honestly couldn’t be happier. In her heart she had known that Garrus would be everything that she needed, everything she ever wanted. 

A pain gripped her heart for a moment and she thought of her parents for the first time in a long time. What would they have thought of Garrus? Her father would have loved him and her mother would probably want to bake something for him. She had lived most of her life without them and never really cared what they would have thought of someone but she loved Garrus. 

“Did I not tire you out?” Garrus teased breaking her thoughts. 

She smiled at him, “Maybe we should try some more just for precaution.” 

Garrus reached out and touched her cheek, “I want to, believe me Essie I want to but we have somewhere to be in a few hours and I think we should be rested.” 

“Where are we going?” Essie asked, wondering when he had time to plan whatever it was.

“It’s a surprise now go to sleep and when you wake I’ll let you try and guess.” He leaned his head up and kissed her forehead before pulling her close to him.

Essie listened to Garrus fall back into sleep, his breathing steady as he slept. A part of her didn’t want to go to sleep, too wired with happiness to actually rest but she didn’t want to disappoint Garrus by being tired for whatever he had planned. She concentrated on his breathing, in and out, in and out, as her eyes drifted closed. 

“First you wake up hours too early and now you want to sleep the day away?” Garrus teased waking her. He flung open the curtains, the sun radiating around the room as Essie stretched. “Love, could you tell me why there are paintings of me on your wall? Though I am flattered.” 

Essie sat up and smiled at him then looked towards her wall where she painted him, it had been a private thing at the time. A way that she could still be with him. “I thought you were a good subject.” 

“Well you’ll need another one, I have a few more scars than I did from my Archangel days.” His blue eyes brightened, “Were already running late and if you continued to sit in bed like that we’ll be later.” 

She glanced down at her bare chest, “I mean we could be a little late.” 

“Essie dear we already are a little late and it’s our thing.” Garrus came to the side of the bed and looked down at her, “Come on.” He said scooping her out of the bed and walking her towards her bathroom.

“Garrus what are you doing?” She asked, swatting at him and laughing.

“To the shower, we need to get clean and leave immediately so don’t get any ideas.” He growled.

“Too late.” Essie teased. 

They weren’t that much later than what Garrus originally thought. Essie couldn’t help herself once Garrus got in the shower with her and honestly she thought he did it just to play with her. His strength had never occurred to her but as he held her up and railed her against the shower wall Essie was glad of it. 

The shuttle brought them to the only church in her small town, lights strung around the outside and lavender twined around the railings. Essie looked at Garrus who seemed to be checking something on his omni-tool. Garrus had insisted that they dress up for this even though he continued to refuse to tell her what they were doing. She figured a fancy dinner or dancing since they were dressed for something along those lines. 

Garrus took her hand and started walking towards the dual doors, Essie stopped and Garrus followed suit. “What are we doing Garrus?” She asked, her nerves making her biotics hum. 

“Do you love me Essie?” He asked.

“You know I do.” She said nodding. Letting go of her hand Garrus got down onto one knee and reached into his pocket pulling out a small box, “Garrus?” Her voice cracked.

“Would you marry me Essie Lenora Shepard?” Garrus looked up at her, blue eyes bright with love as Essie’s own eyes filled with tears.

“Yes.” Her answer was almost too quiet in the silence, “Yes I will.” She said louder and firmer. Garrus stood up quickly and picked her up, his lips finding hers as he kissed her deeply. “Are you going to tell me what this is now?” She asked, breaking the kiss.

His mandibles clicked, “Our wedding.” 

Essie froze, her heart thundering in her chest, “Our what?”

“Wedding.” Garrus said proudly, “I wasn’t letting you go again Essie and I knew without a doubt how I felt about you, I also kind of hoped you felt the same.” 

“Garrus,” Emotions caught her up as she tried to speak.

“Save it for later.” He took the ring from the small box and grabbed her hand, sliding it onto her finger, “I’ve wanted to marry you for a very long time Essie.” He gave her another quick kiss, “Come on everyone is waiting.” Garrus tugged her behind him as he opened the doors and stepped inside. Tears filled Essie’s eyes as she saw everyone there, Liara, Kasumi, Zaeed, Grunt, even Tali and up near the front Wrex. 

She glanced up at Garrus who just looked down at her with love filled eyes and Essie knew she was glad to be alive. Knew that everything she had done and everything she had fought for was for this moment, this place. To be madly in love with the turian who never left her thoughts, to reconnect with everyone she had pushed away. To live. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please check out the artwork that was done for this story :)
> 
> https://stardust414.tumblr.com/post/623613849635110912/i-participated-in-this-years-mass-effect-big-bang


End file.
